The Beast Within !!

Life is not measured by the number of breaths that we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Life is lived in a continuous set of phases. You realize the importance of a phase only when its time to move on to the next one. While you are living out the phase that you are in, you are totally oblivious to the existence of space and time and world around you. That's just because things are so stable and move so slowly that you get seriously bored of it. Bored of it like hell.

Then, when the transition arrives, you start to realize how you did not live each moment to the fullest and how much you would love to turn back the clocks and be blissful all over again. Things, they have a habit of changing. Everything in this world has a nature of adapting to the environment and the changing surroundings. The one's who can change are the one's who survive. The rest are lost in the annals of history.

Change is something that I hate. I loathe change. I detest change. Change is always for the worse. I might be speaking the language of an ever pessimist but that's truly what I believe. Sadly for me, I too know that change is the only inevitable truth. But I just hate it when somebody tells me about it. I just hate it. Everyone knows about this fact, so why do they have to keep preaching the same old blasphemy to everyone else.

We human beings were actually supposed to be animals. What makes us different is that we have emotions and a conscience that tells us the difference between the correct and the incorrect things to do. Somehow I feel though, that being an animal is the best way to live. Everyone keeps reminding everyone else that to be successful one has to be ruthless and barbaric and all. What I make of such people is that they are not human beings. Their lust for success drives them insane and transforms them into brainless animals who are just looking for opportunities to pounce on the prey that comes first on their radar. They do reach the heights of fame, but sometimes I wonder how much they would have lost in getting there. Is everything that they have left behind worth the result that they have achieved ?

No one is genetically programmed to love and care for anyone else. Its always a physical need that drives two people closer and the society around them that puts a garb on that surreal bonding annotating it with meaningful names like relationship. Everyone in this world is living for their own self. The emotions and the feelings and the connection is all a farce. Every animal is programmed to love their offspring. Any other connection between to entities is an eyewash.

Expectation is the root cause of all misery, disappointment and anguish. Once you learn to be free of all the bonds and not expect anything from anyone, only then can you find true happiness. The redemption does not lie without, it lies within. All that one has got to do is to look for it. No one should be scared of expressing what they feel like. The only thing to remember is that when someone is expressing themselves, one should not read in between the lines. Its important to take people at their face value and believe that they mean what they say and they say what they mean. Live the life of a cynic but not that of a pessimist. Everyone in this world is going to hurt you one time or the other. Some of them are just worth the pain.

They Come, They Go !!

They come, they go,
Little do they know.
I am a tiny little speck,
In this great big wreck.

They come, they go,
Like water they flow.
I am next to a crumb,
All my senses are numb.

They come, they go,
Rain or shine, storm or snow.
I keep standing still,
As if in a drill.

They come, they go,
When will they ever grow.
I lend a helping hand,
To my brothers in the marching band.

They come, they go,
Will they ever be able to show.
I for one would never say never,
Only if they knew that friends are forever.

The poison of first Love !!

A girl is lucky,
If she is a man's first love.
A man is lucky,
If he is the girl's last.

I walk this wilderness,
As lonely as a dark cloud.
There isn't a silver lining,
In the annals of my fate.

I know how it is to be in love,
As pristine and pure as it can be.
When I was possessed and obsessed,
Your comfort was a bliss.

You have chosen a new path for yourself,
I vacillate between the two extremes.
When I try to get over my past,
You hit me back with your wild innocence.

I have sulked and I have cried,
Those tears I wept were meant for you.
They helped me move on with my life,
Why does now, the past haunt you.

I wish you well, is all I wish,
As much as I am going to miss.
Those thoughts that I etched deep within,
Some memories which truly are mine.

I am trying to reason your eccentricities,
Why you laughed when you cried.
This endless search is my home,
You and me all alone.

Romance Unlimited !!

Its been so long that I 've known you,
Now I wonder, if I really know you.
Its been so long that I 've seen you,
Now I wonder, if I ve really seen you.

When I look at your face,
My eyes just cant see anything but your eyes.
Your stare pierces my flesh like a sword,
Then you ease the pain with your smile.

I imagine a life without you,
Then I realize I am already living one.
I imagine a life with you,
And the whole world just transforms.

Pondering and contemplating is all that I do,
Someday I will be there with you.
By your side, I will be resting,
Heaven wont be far away.

I meet you and my heart starts thumping,
Reminding me of its existence.
Every single time that I see you,
My thoughts are all over the place.

May the dream come true, my sweet Lord,
Wish that I see you soon.
That one day we could be together,
Just staring at the big white moon.

Love of the Evil !!

Optimists say that one should be glad when the worst has happened, since things can only get better from there on. Well, what do the optimists know !!

There are points in everyone's lifetime when they are so down and low that you feel that it just cannot get worse. Then suddenly the abyss that you are in, decides to give you another shocker. Deep down in that trench of darkness and gloom you realize how helpless it is to fight your fate. You realize how you are doomed to misery and grief all your life.

As soon as you accept the fact that you are a helpless soul in the middle of a deserted island, things begin to change. It is a sort of revelation that comes as a bolt from the sky. Life never ceases to surprise me. The emotion and the drama that unfolds each and every passing moment is worth every second that you breathe.

What is this life, that we have been graced with, by the God almighty, really meant for? Is it just meant for getting up everyday with a sense of hope, struggling your way the whole day and then coming back to the same dungeon at the end of the day licking your wounds from the battles you fought all day long. Is it a routine that we are supposed to follow or is there some message in all this. Does He want us to break free and wander in search of the ultimate truth, the treasure of absolute happiness.

When you surrender to your destiny, the game that unfolds is quite a marvel. They say that life is lived every moment. Every moment should be cherished and made worth remembering. Satisfaction comes not to those who chase it, but to those who have become oblivious to the fact that it even exists. Human beings were meant to be depressed souls searching for gratification all their lives, not knowing the fact that the sheer pleasure lies in destruction itself.

Sadistic pleasures are a fact of life. It is so simple to be happy but so difficult to be simple. Learning to appreciate the evil in you is the only way out of your misery. The love of the evil is the carnal sin that every living soul in this disconsolate universe is supposed to undertake, for, the demise of the worldly desires is the beginning of the highway to perdition.

The Rime of the Modern Mariner !!

When the wedding bells tolled,
And the couple exchanged vows.
I felt blessed to be there,
Watching them espouse.

That blissful ceremony,
Was the epitome of trust.
For someone like me,
Left utterly nonplussed.

Into the skies I went,
Met a strange exotic bird.
The fowl wanted to know something,
About a place I never ever heard.

I spoke with impunity,
During the lengthy conversation.
The bird was left impressed,
By the amount of information.

I went to the nest after that,
Met a tiny little dude.
I had hoped to see him smile,
He was just not in the mood.

Hours passed like minutes,
As I kept on trying.
Finally the smile came,
And then I felt like crying.

I moved on to explore a bit,
Met a whole new flock.
If I'd hoped for a quiet journey,
I was in for a shock.

The group was young,
And a lot of fun.
I was drowsy though,
Wish I had a gun.

The destination was far,
The journey was slow.
When we finally arrived,
We had nowhere to go.

The no man's land,
Was close to the border.
When the girls started dancing,
It seemed out of order.

The shopping had to happen,
What if there was no sale.
This is one of those aspects,
Always fuzzy to a male.

The shrine by the night,
Looked even more divine.
The still waters by its side,
Reflected a heavenly shine.

The next morning we had to go,
To the same holy place.
Sleep, hunger and lethargy,
Was all over our face.

When the plans went haywire,
No one had a clue.
I was just as perplexed,
Contemplating what to do.

We wandered like nomads,
Ended up in a garden.
Which was supposed to be a tribute,
To martrys gunned down by a crazy warden.

Life slowly dragged on,
Overwhelmed by depression.
The end was coming closer,
Of the team's disintegration.

The journey back was a cakewalk,
Apart from the lack of sleep.
We were in the middle of an ocean,
In a big white heap.

The farewells were quick and tidy,
As I had to rush.
To the place where the toddler lay,
Sleeping in quiet hush.

That same day went reflecting,
On the days gone by.
What a week it had been,
With all its lows and high.

If the journey was a picture,
The octet had to be its soul.
We fitted together like a mesh,
To reach the common goal.

Life is nothing but a journey,
You meet people along the way.
Some moments are there to stay,
Memories that just dont fade away.

Punjab - In Retrospect : Part I

The first time I went to Punjab was when I had just finished school. It was a stroke of pure luck that I was able to make it. I should really thank my uncle for actually taking the trouble of joining a spoilt brat like me on a trip around the state to where my origins belong.

They say that a visit to Punjab actually changes your outlook and your mindset. At least it has a lasting influence on your thought process since the people and the atmosphere just overwhelm you. You just have to experience the place since no amount of praise can do justice to the feeling of actually being there. If there is one place where you feel welcome, it most definitely has to be Punjab.

Ever since I came back from that trip I had promised myself that one day I was going to return to my motherland. My fortune had other plans in store for me though. I did manage to go back to the mother ship once again but the occasion and the responsibilities were so hugely surmounting that I did not get any time to get a feel of that place.

Finally it took another stroke of genius from another friend to get me back to the Land of Five Rivers. That week of my life can never be erased from my otherwise amnesiac memory. I experienced so many emotions, lows, highs, troubles and favors that I actually was more mentally drained than physically fatigued at the end of it all.

The journey began with me having to go to Chennai to attend the marriage of two of the closest friends that I have ever known. They have actually made me believe that true love exists and their solemn wedding was just the epitome for me. No other marriage has ever made more sense to me than that one. I haven't enjoyed any marriage more than I enjoyed their's. Love was truly in the air and I could get a whiff of it being there. Chennai was etched into my memory forever.

Before I could blink I had to depart to join a highly anticipated and the second leg of my trip up north. As I was leaving all alone in that cab going to the airport I had only one thought in my mind which was "I should have slept earlier". More seriously, I was just thinking how some events change one person's life and I was wondering if this was one of them. That one day had changed a little bit of my cynical mindset. Chennai had already done what I wanted Punjab to do to me.

I had a hunch that the flight would also not be as uninteresting as all the others that I have been on and I was right. As I sat in the front row of that flight to Delhi, all I wanted to do was sleep and wake up only when I had reached my destination. Then all of a sudden this British gentleman came and sat next to me. I generally avoid talking to people on flights and I give such condescending looks to others that no one else bothers talking to me as well. That trick fortunately did not work on this Brit chap and we ended up talking about loads and loads of stuff on the flight. He was so impressed with my knowledge about Delhi that he gave me his contact and promised that he would show me around London in case I ever wound up there. Again I had ended up enjoying my time even though I detest flight journeys to the core.

Next stop was my nephew's house and no sooner had he seen me that the sweet little thing started raking his brains out trying to find that grey cell in that tiny little head of his, which recognized me. I never liked babies and especially the ones which cry, which, as a matter of fact all of them do. I dont know why though this toddler with his huge eyes and his chubby cheeks and his wafts of overgrown hair and his unrelenting innocence made me change my mind about babies. I just wanted him to like me as much as I loved him. His one smile was all that I wanted and it took me 8 hours to finally achieve it. Maybe it was a sign that he had registered me and my face in his memory. For me it was one of those timeless moments in life.

I wanted to spend all my time with him and my sister (of course) but I had a promise to keep and so I had to leave. The journey had not even begun and I was already lost in translation. I was physically present in one place but my mind was still trying to catch up with my physical being. The adrenaline was flowing and the heart was thumping. It happens when you expect the unexpected to happen and your future is all that you can see since you are oblivious to your present and your past.